At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
