She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
