wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
