the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
