I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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