Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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