she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
