She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize