Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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