It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
