I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
