I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so that wasnt chicken after all
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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