I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
