There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
