Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
