Cold hands, warm shart.
i think i have herpe
just one?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
