We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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