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i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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