Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
