dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
