I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
