I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
