I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
