i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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