I just made out with a guy for $7.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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