wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
