the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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