JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
