hell yes lets make some ravioli
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
