I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
