After last night, I could never be a politician.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
