if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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