I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
