chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
