omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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