yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
