You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
