How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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