i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
