Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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