Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
