I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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