i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
