I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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