dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
