Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
did you just send me my own nude
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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