don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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