Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
