She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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