he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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