I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
