Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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