I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
