Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
