everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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