When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I want a musical about memes.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize