I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
