Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
