Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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