Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
