New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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