Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
