Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
