I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
