Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
