Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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