Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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