Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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