Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
