Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
