you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize