i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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