I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
