Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
