I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
